Caught in the Spin-Cycle of Online Dating...Is There a Way Out?

Back in February, I hit the one year mark...on my BGC (BlackGayChat) account. Yes, its no secret that I have a BGC account, as well as an Adam4Adam account. I mean, its 2009, what single, computer savvy, on-the-go, Gay man doesn't have a profile somewhere on the Internet?

In the past, I bashed the online dating "avenue" because I felt that the whole thing was just to robotic and inorganic. I compared online dating and looking through peoples profiles, to being the equivalent of browsing Urban Outfitters.com. But, instead of window shopping for a t-shirt, those on dating sites were just window shopping for a potential mate. I also thought it was somewhat tacky, and didn't think it would be "cute" to tell people, someday, that I met my fantabulous boyfriend on the Internet.

Moreover, I assumed that if someone had to resort to using the Internet, to meet a potential date, that they were basically admitting to not being able to find someone, the "normal" way, in the outside world. But, like with with so many other things, I marinated on it, opened my mind, grew a little, came around to the idea, and finally decided to create a couple new profiles online.

So, for the past year or so, I've been doing the whole "online" thing with the sole purpose of finding someone to date. After all, isn't THAT the service that one is signing up for, when one creates a profile on a Dating website? That's what I assumed at first. Until ten or so messages later, when I realized that about 80% (I'm being nice) of the men on those sites are looking for one thing...SEX.

I can't even keep track of how many guys have sent me messages, for the objective of "hooking up" with me. Or, in other words, to "chill". Yes, the term "chill", in urban Gay vernacular, is the new "lets fuck/play". And, I of all people am not going to stand atop my soapbox and wag my finger at those who are online for sex. I mean, with all the "one nights" and "hookup's" I've had, especially recently, I have no room to talk about anyone else. Even though I've tried it on occasion, that the whole "searching the Internet ONLY for sex" thing isn't really my cup of tea. I've actually been online, for the past year, looking for someone to date and get to know.

Which brings me to the other day. I was on BGC exchanging messages and having a little discussion with a guy who gave me quite the education. Here's how it went down (the short version):

Roc: ...Well, where else am I supposed to look?

User XYZ: if u lookin for love...then u definitely should not look for it on here....im sho u meet kats out and about....or at the club somewhere other then here....cause what they all lookin for on here.... quiet as its kept is sex....they just dont say it in the beginning of the conversation ...but if u tight to them then they'll get in yours drawers eventually....most dont keep it real on here.....they pretend to look for love but once u have sex then the idea of love goes out the door and then they r back on here lookin for love again ...which will be sex....and then they repeat the same thing they did with u.....but bgc is what u make it.....im here to check niggas out and see whos got the rite vibe for me to entertain.....normally if i meet one and we chill and or have sex....they dont call no mo after we chill.....so them i find myself back here lonely and lookin for the next thing.....sorry im just keeping it real man....this is my own experiences with bgc and this so called gay life....so i just flow with whats comfortable for me.....

After I marinated on User XYZ's two cents, I got to thinking about the fuckery known as Gay Internet dating. I mean, what the fuck? Is this what the Gay community is all cracked up to be? Are Gay men just destined to be stuck on "repeat" until the end of time?

More importantly, has "true love" become the Gay community's version of the "Holy Grail"?

;-)

Its Gone Out The Window

A long time ago, when I started this Blog/Journal, a few posts in, I wrote a post about being celibate. Well, that's not the case anymore. That's right everyone, as of January 1st of this year, I'm no longer celibate. Was it all just a "phase"?

Why did I give up being celibate after nearly three years? I realized that, being a little older now, that I have a good enough "filtering" system, for figuring out whether or not a guy is "sponge worthy". Plus, I came to the conclusion that, if I want any hope of keeping a guy around, I'm going to have to start having sex. And, the whole "I'm celibate" thing isn't going to work if I want someone to be in a relationship with me.

Things have gotten interesting...To say the least.

;-)

Cautionary Tales #2: That Foot-Fetish Guy

September 2008

What does one do, when he's been in a club, getting tipsy, and the cute enough guy that's been staring at him all night finally comes over, gives his spiel, and then asks: "Do you got some nice FEET?" Well, I took his number, laughed at the situation on my train-ride home, played text-tag with "Dr. Scholl" for a couple weeks, ended up at his place, and had a face-to-face encounter with a bottle of Anal Poppers.

Ok, let me explain. At the time, I was still trying to get over someone, bored, and wanted to prove to myself that I could move on...by fucking other people. Now, I know the whole "get over a guy by getting under/on top of a new one" formula is retarded. But, hey, I'm still learning. And, besides, Dr. Scholl was cute-in fact he was a local model/actor, so I was interested in seeing where this would lead.

Anyway, it was a boring mid-summer Sunday afternoon, the weather was perfect, and I wanted to get out of my apartment to do something or someone. So, I texted Dr. Scholl, and, before I knew it, we were making plains to hangout that evening at his posh downtown apartment.

After I had showered, freshened up, and put on some "smell goods", I made my way downtown, to Jewel, to pick up something to drink (his idea). As I was nearing his building I gave Dr. Scholl a ring to figure out exactly where to go. He directed me to his entrance, and I hopped on the
elevator to the 20th floor.

When I arrived at his apartment, I was amazed by how beautiful and large his place was. Even more amazing was the view, of downtown Chicago, from his balcony. He took the grocery bag I was holding, and motioned me to his living room couch. While I was busy soaking in the environment, and checking out the artwork on his walls, he had opened two of the drinks I had bought, and brought one over to me.

We sat, we chatted, we got comfortable, and then the weirdness started. While we were sitting next to each other, he asked if he could see my foot. I put my foot in Dr. Scholl's lap, he took off my shoe, and proceeded to examine my foot while massaging it at the same time. I didn't know what to think, say, or do. So, I took another swig from my Strawberry Smirnoff, and smiled.

After he got up close and personal with my feet, I was invited to watch TV, in his bedroom, drink and all. He stripped down, to his un-cute red undies, as soon as we got into his room, and I followed suite. He hopped in the bed, took a huge sniff of something from a small bottle, whipped out his huge disproportionate dick, and gave me that "You wanna suck?" look.

Now, during all of this, I took a second to look at the situation at hand. I realized that I wasn't all that attracted to Dr. Scholl. Even though he was cute, he was extremely boring and lack luster-a
quality that I absolutely hate in a man. I like to make out, and he didn't. Plus, his dick wasn't the least bit attractive-another quality I hate in a man. But, I was bored, he was there, and I was a little buzzed...so, why not?

I hopped in his bed, got in the sixty-nine position, and gave him a minor blowjob. In the midst of "blowing" Dr. Scholl, I stopped, looked him in the eye, and asked when he was going to reciprocate my oral favor. He told me that he was "ok", which also told me that it was time to put down the dick, and time to start negotiating. I hate having to negotiate sex, like a business transaction. It makes me feel like a "pro"-which doesn't bother me. But, in this day and age, negotiating is a must.

And so the negotiations began. We negotiated oral sex-which he didn't want to reciprocate, so I told him, flat out, that if I wasn't getting any he damn well wasn't going to get anymore mileage from my mouth. He then brought to the table the fact that he wanted to fuck me. We weakly negotiated THAT while he grabbed a Magnum and a bottle of Lube from his dresser.

• Sidebar: By the way, hearing a guy trying "sell", or "market", his sex is one of the funniest things in the world. Apparently, when a guy is trying to persuade you to give him some ass, he will use all of weak lines that he can think of to try to convince you. Its hilarious! I mean, I would never feel the need to persuade sex out of someone. Its tacky. And, I think that if someone has to beg, or convince, anyone into sex, it might be a sign that the sex in question shouldn't be happening in the first place. Either that, or some kind of cash exchange should be taking place.

Anyway, I figured "what the hell", and decided to let Dr. Scholl at least TRY to use his disproportionately big dick on me. He tried, he failed. He tried again, and failed. This is when he took that small sniffing bottle, from earlier, handed it to me, and told me to take a big sniff from it. I examined the bottle, and knew exactly what it was. I mean, I've taken enough trips to various Sex Shops in the Gayborhood, seen enough porn, and been around long enough to know what ANAL POPPERS are. But, up until this moment, I never found myself face-to-face with an open bottle. Nonetheless, I played "innocent", and asked Dr. Scoll what exactly it was that he had handed me. I knew damn well what it was, but, I was interested in what he'd tell me it was.

According to him, that little bottle was just a vaporized "muscle relaxant". I knew better, but, my curiosity took over, and I took a big sniff. I was surprised by how familiar the Poppers felt...Because it was the equivalent of sniffing a fucking PERMINET MARKER! I was expecting a lot more from something that sales for $5.99 a "pop".

In a semi popper-induced haze, I decided that there was no way I was going to be fucked by Dr.Scholl. I brought having a mutual-masturbation "session", he was half into it, and we proceed. And what happens? He's done in under three minutes, I'm left laying in his bed, still working away, while he gets dressed and tides his apartment. When I'm done, he tosses me a towel, I clean up, he walks me to the elevator, and I leave.

On my way home, I couldn't help but to think about what just happened. And, I realized...If I had to go through all of that, just to end up masturbating alone in bed, I could've just layed in my own damn bed and had a hassle-free "release".

What did I learn from this?

1. If it doesn't feel right?...It shouldn't be happening.

;-)

So, I've Been Gone For A Minute (Update)...

Before I make a new post, I just want to say: Ok, I know I've been gone for a while. Well, over a month to be exact. And, I hate it! I consider my Blog, like my Sidekick, my iPod, and my laptop, to be one of my "children". I hate not keeping up with my writing, but, there's a few reasons why I haven't been around.

• School started back, mid January, and I've been busy ever since. Now, I have school, during the day, Monday-Thursday. Along with work, every night, Monday-Friday. So, by the time the weekend comes around, I don't feel like doing much of anything.

• Having the Flu, last weekend, didn't help either.

But, I'm back now, and I'm going to be writing a lot more.

;-)

Club Hopping 101

Its amazing what can happen in just a year's time. A year ago, I lost my "clubbing" virginity, and told you guys all about it. And, I remember it, just like it was yesterday.

A few weeks ago, I was looking through the various Club flyer's I had laying on one of my bedside tables, and it dawned on me. I've come such a long long long way from the club "virgin" I once was. That night, I was actually debating on where I wanted to spend my night...based on which place had the least expensive admission, the stronger/bigger/best priced drinks, etc.

I was surprised by how much my knowledge of the Club scene has expanded, in under a year. Now, I know which places, on certain nights, have which "drink specials". I've figured out where I can get more for my money. I figured out which crowds go to what places...meaning, I know where the hot guys and diverse crowds are.

Surprisingly, along the way, I've gotten "competed" drinks, discounted admission, been put on a few "VIP" list, and even gotten free porn. I like going to different places, and getting a "feel" for different environments. But, its great that, the more place I go to, the more choices I have for how I want to spend my free and single nights.

Its weird how things can change in just a year.

;-)

Cyndi Lauper: 55 Years Old, and Still Turning It!

So, I'm up at 4am (should've took my ass to sleep at 3am), watching LOGO, and what do I see? A new-ish video from Cyndi Lauper (one of my favorite artists), called "Into The Nightlife". I liked it...especially the eye candy.

;-)

Happy New Year 2009!!

Well, its a whole new year, and I'm back! I know its been a good minute since I've written anything. Luckily, that's something I'm working on for 2009, along with a few other things.

A lot has happened in the past few weeks, so, instead of making a long long long drawn-out post, I'll just give you the abridged version:

• I had one of the greatest Christmas's and holiday weekend's of my life...with "Heartbreaker"! Yeah, we've been back in each others lives since November. And, its not what you might think. We're both still SINGLE. We're friends. We enjoy each other's company. And, we have "fun"...which sometimes involves kissing, a little heavy petting, and maybe some skin-to-skin action. Anyway, spending the Holiday with him made me realize what an amazing guy he really is. I mean, you can really see a guys true colors when he's around his family.

• ("Bottle Pop" - Pussycat Dolls) ShawnQt gave me some sound advice, a couple months ago, on being a "Naughty Boy"...and, I want to publicly thank him for it! He just didn't warn me about the backlash that being "naughty" could bring, from people who can't take it (LOL). By the way, when the red light comes on I transform.

• Speaking of being naughty, I recently discovered that FAVORED lube is the shit...and can be used for multiple purposes (LOL).

• I'm to be experimenting with the Blog. Meaning, a slight change in the format. As well as a format change.

• ("Procrastination" - Amy Winehouse) I'm starting to realize, that procrastination is one of my biggest faults. It gets in the way of me doing so much of the stuff that I THINK about doing. I mean, THIS post was supposed to be done the night of the 1st, while I was sitting on my bed, eating pizza. Cut to me typing away, on my Sidekick, while on my way home, on the subway (LOL). Procrastination is definitely my BIG thing to work on in 2009.

There's more to come...

;-)