Labels, Labels, Labels!...And The Fuckery They Bring.

So, I've been wondering for the longest, what's the fucking deal Gay men and labels, when it comes to each other? I seem to only run into guys who are stuck on labels, for themselves, as well as other men. Meaning, the whole "Top", "Bottom", "Versitile", "Versitile-Top", and "Versitile-Bottom" label thing that it seems most Gays like to use for, and on, each other.

Personally, I've never been into the lable thing. I don't use any of the previously used labels to describe myself nor do I use them when looking for a boyfriend, date, etc. Even on my Adam4Adam and BGC profiles, I don't have anything listed under my "position". Also, while online looking at various profiles or pages, I don't use a guy's listed "position" to detemine whether or not I'm going to send him a message. In my rational; if I think he's hot, I like the content in his profile, and if his dimensions line-up, I send a message.

Lately, I've been coming across guys who are hung-up on labels. Heartbreaker was(is) hungup on being a "Top". So much so, that he lets it affect his relationship and dating choices. One of his friends even told me that Heartbreaker needs to be with a guy who's a "Strict Bottom". What the fuck is a "Strict" bottom??

And then there's this new shorty I've been talking to. We met online, one Sunday night, while I was in the middle of getting ready to go out. Since he happend to live in my neighborhood, I decided to take a small detour by his place on my way to original my destination. I got to his apartment, and was kind of surprized by how much of a cutie he was. Since he didn't have a face pic online, but, a nice body pic, I expected a "butta-face". But, hey, I was going in that direction for the train anyway, so, why not make a small pit stop?

Anyway, we met, hangout in his place, talked for about thirty minutes, and said our goodbye's. In our time together, nothing remotely sexual happened between us. Which was nice since we were just trying to get to know each other. Besides, he's cute, he's nice, he's smart, but, he's not really my "type" body wise.

A few minutes later, after I left, we ended up having an exchange, which he initiated, via text, as follows;

Dude: "Hey. Can I ask you somethin'?"

Roc: "Yeah, what is it?"

Dude: "Are you a top or a bottom?"

Roc: "LOL! Niether...you?"

Dude: "Top...u must be verz then."

Roc: "yea, I guess. Lol."

Next afternoon, while I'm on the bus, he texts me with some type of fuckery.

Dude: "If you had to choose, to get fucked or do the fucking, for the rest of your life, which would you choose?"

Roc: "LOL! What kinda question is that?"

Dude: "Just answer it."

Roc: "Lmao! Niether...you?"

Dude: "I'm a top, so its obvious what I choose. Just pick one."

Roc: "Why do I have to choose one?"

Dude: "I'll give u some time to think about it..."

Roc: "I don't need time to think. Lol!...why is it such a big deal?"

Sidebar: I didn't even really like this guy "all like that". He's cute, but, not really my type. So, I don't even know why I continued with this text fuckery for as long as I did. I think it was a combination of personal boredom mixed with the fact that I like a little comfrontation from time-to-time.

Dude: "Bcuz I need to know what's goin' on if we get into a relationship..."

Roc: "I guess."

Long story, short, we had a little text argument about how I can't date nor be involved with guys who are hungup on labels. He defended himself. We went back and forth on the issue. And, then we basically agreed to disagree.

Anyway, I hate running into guys who are hungup on labels. Not only for themselves, but, for other gay males. I've noticed that our Lesbian counterparts don't seem to have the problem in their community. And, they seem to have great fufilling relationships, without letting labels control their lives.

When are Gay men going to stop being such Label Whores?

;-)

The Naughty Boy Tour: Weekend #1

**Listening To**
"Mannequin" by. Britney Spears

Friday night, the Naughty Boy went to the club, got slightly drunk, and
got three numbers. One came from a semi-cute older dude (who I won't be
entertaining) that kept insisting on me taking his number, one came from a
hot little freak with a nice little muscular frame, and the other was
from a sexy military boy.

Saturday night, the Naughty Boy went to...A sex party! But, due to how
incredibly lame it was, I ended up leaving. I mean, who wants to attend
a "party" where their the ONLY good-looking person there? No offense,
but, middle-aged out-of-shape men DON'T turn me on.

More to come...

;-)

11-4-2008

*Listening To*

"Bad Girl" by. Danity Kane
"Sophisticated Lady" by. Mya
"Blindfold Me" by. Kelis
"Dirrty" by. Christina Aguilera
.............................................................................

So, my last entry was written while I was an emotional mess (what's new?). I've been thinking and marinating since then. And, I'm not becoming an "escort" or anything of that nature. But, my cloths will be coming off more freely now. I'm still sick and tired of being a "good" guy and getting fucked over because of it. So, I've decided to work on becoming a Naughty Boy instead.

I wonder how long the Naughty Boy Tour of 2008- will last?

;-)

10-21-2008

I'VE HAD IT!

I'm angry. I've been angry for awhile now. I want to be someone else...someone completely different altogether. I was thinking, at work, about why I'm so unsuccessful in the "relations" department. And, I realized that the one unchanged constant is...ME, Myself, and I. I'm the thing that's wrong.

Up until this point, being Me and being the "good" guy has gotten nothing but a broken heart, being "played", and alone. It was Me who wasn't enough for Cool and Heartbreaker . Its Me who doesn't deserve to be happy with anyone. Its Me who's never good enough for anyone. Its Me who isn't good enough to be "loved" by anyone. And, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being Me. So, I need to be Someone else...opposite of the "good" guy.

I need to become someone who's always wanted, desired, and lusted after. I need to be someone who uses-up men, then spits them out. I need be one-dimensional, a freak, and a 24/7 walking sex object....after all, that's what men want, right? Well, that's going to be the new "Me". And, there's no more "freebies" when it comes to dealing with men...its pay-2-play for now on.

Also, I'm looking into going in the stripping profession.

I'm DONE!

;-)

On The Horizon...

Next month (mid-November) is going to be the One Year Anniversary of my Blog/Journal. Its amazing how fast time can go by.

At work, the other night, thinking randomly when an idea popped into my head. So, November will not only usher in the anniversary of my Blog, at will also be the introduction of a new category.

What is this new category called?...."Cautionary Tales".

What will "Cautionary Tales" consist of?....My hookup horror stories and other bad experiences when it come to dealing with the same sex . Yes, I have a few from the past (pre-celibacy) and a few from present day, so far. I've just been figuring out how and to write them.

Why exactly are these Cautionary Tales?.....Because, from each "tale", I've learned a valuable lesson, and, I'm hoping that others will too.

Are you ready?

;-)

One Good Buddy

So, there's a new person in my life. Lets call him...The Rookie. He's not really a "friend"...more like a buddy...a Cuddle buddy. But, with less cuddling (if any), and more kissing.

Rookie is 20, cute, and basically just started "messing around" with guys...hence, the name "Rookie". We met a few weeks ago at a club (a 21+ club) when his only "gay" friend came and talked me because Rookie was too shy. We exchanged numbers, talked later that night, and decided to hangout for a little bit that next day.

Rookie isn't really "boyfriend" material for me. He's not "out" and he's going through that whole period of trying to figure out his sexuality. But, he's a good, sweet guy, and I don't mind giving him a place where he can feel comfortable. And, to also educate his ass....because the boy knows NOTHING.

Anyway, the first time he came over, we just chilled and talked for a little bit. We made-out before he left, and that was the start of our "cuddle buddy" relationship. The last two times he came over (a total of three so far), have been white hot. We might not have "sex" sex, but, we definitely get things "popping" on the Oral tip (pun lightly intended). Basically, we have a ton of foreplay and affection and 69-ing jacking off...which is great! Its actually very hot. There's this whole "thing" of us feeding off of each other's sexual energy.

Anyway, after the cum stops flying, he cleans up and casually leaves like a criminal fleeing a crime scene...which, for some reason, is alright with me. I mean, he gives me what I need for the time being and leaves. There's no attitude, no expectations...no strings. He's the perfect man...right? Except when he spills his "baby batter" on my BLACK blanket.

On one hand, I feel some kind of empowerment. Being in control of what happens, teasing all those special "spots", and being able to make someone go absolutely wild with ecstasy is a pretty damn good feeling. On the other hand, I can't help but feel somewhat hooker-esque (which I don't mind & think is kind of hot). I mean, for some reason, he reminds me of a "John" who's all tense at first because he's not sure of how things are supposed to go. But, when things get started, and he's gotten to his comfort zone, the freak comes out.

Either way, this is all very interesting to me. And, I think that everyone should experience this type of dynamic with someone, it some point in their life.

;-)

Doomed: A History Lesson

*Listening To*
"It's All Over but the Crying (Remix)" by. Garbage


I've always know this, deep down, but now I actually have conformation. I'm 22yrs, and I've never dated anyone, never been in a relationship, never had boyfriend, and I've never really "talked" to a guy for more than week. And, I've come to realize that things are going this way for the rest of my life...22, 32, 42, 52, etc.

How did I come to realize this? Well, I've been thinking...which is basically a coin-toss of whether or not something good might come from it. Anyway, I've been thinking, marinating with my thoughts, and thinking of questions for my "research" into my family's past...and my future.

And what does it all come back to? Genetics.

While in thought, I started to trace things and put things together and connect the dots. I wanted to know why I can't seem to even develop healthy relationships much less be involved in one. So, I started with the small family that I do have left. So, there's my Nana (67), my Grandfather (65), my Uncle (47), and my Aunt (41).

As far as I know, Nana's only been in one big relationship...with the father of her children (grandpa)...who she divorced back in the 70s. And, there's been NOBODY else since then. Grandfather has had continuous whatevers with women who use him. Uncle is in his forties, has a career in charity work, and alone. And, Aunt (the fag hag) is also in her forties, man-less, and has never had a successful relationship.

After going through everyone's situation, I started to think: What about my Mother? Granted, she died when she was 35, but she was a lot different from everyone else in our family, and remember her dating or seeing someone when I was a kid. Which leads me to one of the most awkward and weirdest conversations I've ever had to have...I was forced to call Nana and ask her about my mom's (her daughter's) romantic life.

Here's how THAT went:

Ya ya ya...Blah blah blah...

Roc: "So, did my mom ever have any successful relationships?"

Nana: "What? Did you want to know if your mother ever had sexual relations?"

Sidebar: Oh god, kill me now. I did NOT ask you THAT grandma! Granted, I had just gotten off the subway, and there was a considerable amount of background noise on my end...but still, that whole exchange was just something that should never have happened!

Roc: "No! Did my mom ever have any SUCCESSFUL relationships?!"

Nana: "Oh!...SUCCESSFUL relationships."

Roc: "yeah....like dating or long-term relationships."

Nana: "Well, I don't think she really "dated" anyone. But, she "saw"
people."

Nana: "I guess her relationship with your father was successful...right?"

Roc: "Ummm NO! Not at all!"

Sidebar: Really Nana!? You consider THAT to be a "successful" relationship!? So, I guess my mom's only "real" relationship involved having an accident-kid with a guy who cheated on her and brought needless drama into her life, until she cut ties with him? Seriously!?! This is the kind of fucked up thinking doesn't surprise me at all.

Anyway, during our conversation, I realized that its all GENETIC. One of the main reasons why I left,a few years ago, was because I didn't want to end up like the rest of my family. But, I realize, now, that I'll never be happy with anyone. I'll never be able to have anything close to a "healthy" relationship with a guy, because its not in my DNA. And, even if I ever come close to having something "serious", with someone, I'm pretty sure I'll fuck things up somehow.

I guess Shirley Manson was right...Certain things DO turn ugly, when you think too hard.

;-)