A so-called "friend" let me down the other day. Since I've never been to a Gay Pride before, I took my ass all the up to the damn North Side (an area I'm not familiar with) to meet-up with so-called "friend" for some Gay Pride festivities. When I got all the way up there, I called him numerous times for directions to their location, he didn't answer, so I took my ass back on the train, went home, and ordered a pizza.
I got on the train, leaving the North Side, feeling like a total fool. And, hopping on a train full of Gays sporting their smiles and multi-colored beads and significant others and various other Pride goodies didn't help my mood at all. Mid-way through my solom commute back home, the so-called "friend" calls me back and gives me a semi valid excuse as to why he didn't answer when I called earlier. I didn't give a fuck about his excuse. Excuses only make me angrier...no matter how valid or reasonable they are. All I know is that I want what I want...And, if I can't have it, I don't want ANYTHING at all.
In the middle of this call, I'm outside, and a fucking mini rainstorm starts...and, I'm umbrella-less, wearing shorts with no socks, and short sleeves.
So. I'm already PISSED for many reasons.
1. PISSED because I took my ass all the way to the North Side, only to be screwed-over and let-down
2. PISSED because I feel like such a fucking fool.
3. PISSED because, now, I'm soaking wet.
Then, still on the phone, "friend" hits me with this Zen shit about "taking initiative"...Oh no he didn't just try that flip-the-fucking-script shit? Well. THAT was all I needed for me to POP OFF and let him have it before his phone went out or before he hung up on me or whatever-the-fuck.
Anyway, I hit so-called "friend" up on Tuesday with a txt, asking if he was going to apologize to me. And, he said that he wasn't going to. Which means, that he's OUT...I'm done with him now.
I'm mad because I allowed myself to feel some kinda way about this whole situation...I'm getting too soft.
I have to remember and expect that people will always screw me over or let me down or disappoint me...and, THAT'S why I have to keep them at arms length.
I need to be in CONTROL...either things get done MY way, or whoever's tagging along can just get left behind.
I realized long ago that, in "friendships", I hold people to much higher expectations and standards than I myself expect to be held to...it is what it is. Should I work on that?...whatever!
Diamonds Are Forever.
;-)
6 comments:
Wow... Ya know I have to totally agree with you here yo. I've been re-evaluating everyone around me and many people's importance level has decreased. I'm not too quick to place people on my 'friends' list but once there, I expect that the individual would conduct themselves accordingly. So it hurts badly when a 'friend' let's me down. Always guard your heart baby boy and yes, EVERYONE must be kept at arms length until proven otherwise...that takes time.
On another note, I'll be in your city tomorrow (7/3) to take in the festivities. With any luck, I'll see you around baby boy! Don't let this get ya down. Get out and enjoy!
~Damnit!
hey, ummm someone is a lil upset! at these events and parades, signal is compromised on every carrier! so that might be another reason. not making
excuses for him but its a possibility.
i don't think you're soft, I think you don't really wanna be over this friend so quickly but you are angry and upset. take a moment or a few and relax and revisit the situation.
I learned early in life that friends aren't always what you want them to be or what they say they're supposed to be. Thats why i only have 1. Shit I cant trust 98% of my damn family let alone a friend.
Yeah He Definitely Played U. Don't worry the strong always bounce back.
Sounds like Your gay pride was very similiar to mind! We ae kindred spirits. I blogged about it too!
Yea - you've learned a valuable lesson. Good for you - sorry you had to go through it, but like they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You have nothing but this experience to thank for that. So, how's about that for a silver lining?
Um, but - you live in Chicago? How come I didn't know that? I do too - just moved from the west side to south shore.
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