He Don't Wanna Kiss...He Just Wants to Fuck Fuck Fuck.

This post was originally going to be called; "So, He Won't Kiss You...Yet, He Wants a Blowjob, To Blow Your Back Out, and Possibly Have You Climb His Back." But, I figured that would have been too much of a mouth full.

I was at work the other night, talking with one of my gal pals, when the conversation veered off into sex and men. Mainly, the weird sexual hangups that some men seem to have. Like, for example, how a straight guy might refuse to passionately kiss a girl that he's fucking around with, yet, this same guy will eat her pussy until the cows come home. Isn't it odd how these great discussions seem to start when yours truly is around?

I got to thinking about the alternate Gay version of this conundrum. You know, that Gay guy, usually a "top", who doesn't want to kiss nor blow the other guy he's hooking up with (or on a date with), yet, expects to get served some ass with a blowjob on the side. I've personally seen this situation far too many times. But, two times in particular seem to stand out for me. One, an online hookup and potential date, from last Fall, whose fuckery was just too much to deal with. The other, a date from a month ago.

Guy number one, "Homeboy", I met on Adam4Adam. I loved his photos, which later turned out to be completely fake and stolen from an escort's page. The conversation was cute, he seemed intelligent enough, and he had a good job in real estate. With all of that going for him, I figured I would consider talking to him and see it might lead. And, did I mention those hot photos, which he lifted from the sexy escort's page? I mean, he wasn't unattractive, he just wasn't what I expected. Anyway, it was a cold mid-November Saturday night when Homeboy and I decided to hangout at his temporary home, which also housed his family. I got to his place and noticed the difference in his appearance. But, just like he was intelligent enough, over the phone, he was just cute enough, in person, for me to decide not to ask the million dollar question. Plus, I was
curious about him. Not the "I wanna get to know him" kind of curious, but, the "I wanna study him" kind of curious. I mean, I have a guy here who, one, used fake photos online, two, had the balls to meet with me, and three, did feel compelled to address the obvious elephant in the
room. This was a new kind of fuckery, and I had to investigate it further.

Homeboy and I sat on the couch for awhile, channel surfing, until he invited me into a cluttered and cramped guess bedroom, to finish watching "The Borne Supremacy" on HBO. We laid in bed, cuddling, heavy petting, you know, the usual. But, every time I tried to kiss him
anywhere near the mouth, he would do this sly little move where he would try to steer my head to his crotch. Fed up, I asked him what was up. Homeboy then told me that he doesn't kiss anyone until getting to know them better. So, he didn't want to kiss me, yet, he wanted a blowjob. What the fuck kind of logic is that?!?

Mentally, I threw my hands in the air, said "whatever", and gave him some lack-luster head. I mean, I was bored, it was late, and I didn't feel like making a trek all the way back to my place. After I got bored of blowing Homeboy, he got up and went over to a drawed storage
container by the bed. In which case, he pulls out and throws onto the bed a condom and a small jar of "dollar store" Vaseline. I my head, I'm asking myself: "what kind of fuckery is this guy?". I picked up the jar, looked Homeboy square in the eye, and asked what the hell it was for. He
then informs me that its supposed to be "lube". What the fuck is this, that OZ show? I then sighed, looked back at him, and simply stated: "Nah, its really not." I hate when men are uneducated about the "basics" of man-on-man action.

After I shut Homeboy down, we agreed to take our asses to bed. He bitterly slept on his side and I slept on the other, until the morning came, and I took my ass home to sit in front of the TV with a Mcgriddle. After that morning, Homeboy and I never spoke again.

Guy number two, the "Debater", I met back in July. One Saturday, after a week of "sexting" back and forth, we had an impromptu late-night date. There wasn't much romance between us, but, we had a cute time. He took me to Shadow Bar, where I ended up getting another sexy guys' number. We took a late-night stroll around the Gayborhood, which ended in us going to IHOP for whatever meal it is that occurs at three AM. While waiting for our food, we had the chance to really talk. The Debater had a lot going for him. He was not only sexy, but, he was smart-a recent graduate from Los Angeles, who decided move back home, to Chicago, for law school and to teach the art of Debate to high-schooler's. The more we talked, the more i liked him, and seemingly the more chemistry we had.

After IHOP, the Debater and I came back to my place to unwind. We watched a little TV, cuddled, and started fooling around. Between all of the rubbing, touching, and groping, I made my way to kiss him on the lips. While playing with his dick, he gives me the line: "I don't usually kiss somebody til I get to know them..." I then asked him how long that usually takes, which he tells me is two dates. Yet, he was alright with us "sixty-nining" together. I was somewhat fine with that, and we continued our activity. But, not ten minutes later, he broke his little kissing rule, and began the "sex debate". He wanted to have sex, mainly, he wanted to fuck me. I then picked up his earlier line, about kissing, and threw it right back at him.

Needless to say, he didn't like hearing his own line coming from someone else's lips. But, he got over it, and we had a hot little "session" before he left. The Debater and I continued talking, on and off, after that night, but, it just never went anywhere.

My question is this; what is the mentality and reasoning behind the guy who's up for fucking, and everything else under the sun, yet, doesn't want to lip-lock?

Featured Video #1: "Strict" Top = "Stone" Lesbian?

Ive been thinking about adding a "Featured Videos" section, to the Blog, for a while now. I'm just now getting around to. Its still in the trial-&-error phase, so I'll see how it goes. Also, I might be making my own "Gossip Girl" styled videos, this upcoming summer. Anyway, since I'm a YouTube junkie, and a lover of video blogs, my "Featured Videos" will feature videos from other bloggers and video makers, who's topics grab my attention. The content will range from important to funny...But, never "cheesy".

Which brings me today's video, by Xem VanAdams. I completely understand and agree with where he's coming from, in this video. He basically summed up my exact viewpoint in under ten minutes. And, you guys already know how I feel when it comes to sexual "labels" and whatnot.



Is he right?

Sidebar: I finally gave in, and Ive.......Joined Twitter! I'm giving it a try, so feel free to Follow me, Friend me, etc: http://twitter.com/Roca_fella07

;-)

Its Gone Out The Window

A long time ago, when I started this Blog/Journal, a few posts in, I wrote a post about being celibate. Well, that's not the case anymore. That's right everyone, as of January 1st of this year, I'm no longer celibate. Was it all just a "phase"?

Why did I give up being celibate after nearly three years? I realized that, being a little older now, that I have a good enough "filtering" system, for figuring out whether or not a guy is "sponge worthy". Plus, I came to the conclusion that, if I want any hope of keeping a guy around, I'm going to have to start having sex. And, the whole "I'm celibate" thing isn't going to work if I want someone to be in a relationship with me.

Things have gotten interesting...To say the least.

;-)

Labels, Labels, Labels!...And The Fuckery They Bring.

So, I've been wondering for the longest, what's the fucking deal Gay men and labels, when it comes to each other? I seem to only run into guys who are stuck on labels, for themselves, as well as other men. Meaning, the whole "Top", "Bottom", "Versitile", "Versitile-Top", and "Versitile-Bottom" label thing that it seems most Gays like to use for, and on, each other.

Personally, I've never been into the lable thing. I don't use any of the previously used labels to describe myself nor do I use them when looking for a boyfriend, date, etc. Even on my Adam4Adam and BGC profiles, I don't have anything listed under my "position". Also, while online looking at various profiles or pages, I don't use a guy's listed "position" to detemine whether or not I'm going to send him a message. In my rational; if I think he's hot, I like the content in his profile, and if his dimensions line-up, I send a message.

Lately, I've been coming across guys who are hung-up on labels. Heartbreaker was(is) hungup on being a "Top". So much so, that he lets it affect his relationship and dating choices. One of his friends even told me that Heartbreaker needs to be with a guy who's a "Strict Bottom". What the fuck is a "Strict" bottom??

And then there's this new shorty I've been talking to. We met online, one Sunday night, while I was in the middle of getting ready to go out. Since he happend to live in my neighborhood, I decided to take a small detour by his place on my way to original my destination. I got to his apartment, and was kind of surprized by how much of a cutie he was. Since he didn't have a face pic online, but, a nice body pic, I expected a "butta-face". But, hey, I was going in that direction for the train anyway, so, why not make a small pit stop?

Anyway, we met, hangout in his place, talked for about thirty minutes, and said our goodbye's. In our time together, nothing remotely sexual happened between us. Which was nice since we were just trying to get to know each other. Besides, he's cute, he's nice, he's smart, but, he's not really my "type" body wise.

A few minutes later, after I left, we ended up having an exchange, which he initiated, via text, as follows;

Dude: "Hey. Can I ask you somethin'?"

Roc: "Yeah, what is it?"

Dude: "Are you a top or a bottom?"

Roc: "LOL! Niether...you?"

Dude: "Top...u must be verz then."

Roc: "yea, I guess. Lol."

Next afternoon, while I'm on the bus, he texts me with some type of fuckery.

Dude: "If you had to choose, to get fucked or do the fucking, for the rest of your life, which would you choose?"

Roc: "LOL! What kinda question is that?"

Dude: "Just answer it."

Roc: "Lmao! Niether...you?"

Dude: "I'm a top, so its obvious what I choose. Just pick one."

Roc: "Why do I have to choose one?"

Dude: "I'll give u some time to think about it..."

Roc: "I don't need time to think. Lol!...why is it such a big deal?"

Sidebar: I didn't even really like this guy "all like that". He's cute, but, not really my type. So, I don't even know why I continued with this text fuckery for as long as I did. I think it was a combination of personal boredom mixed with the fact that I like a little comfrontation from time-to-time.

Dude: "Bcuz I need to know what's goin' on if we get into a relationship..."

Roc: "I guess."

Long story, short, we had a little text argument about how I can't date nor be involved with guys who are hungup on labels. He defended himself. We went back and forth on the issue. And, then we basically agreed to disagree.

Anyway, I hate running into guys who are hungup on labels. Not only for themselves, but, for other gay males. I've noticed that our Lesbian counterparts don't seem to have the problem in their community. And, they seem to have great fufilling relationships, without letting labels control their lives.

When are Gay men going to stop being such Label Whores?

;-)

One Good Buddy

So, there's a new person in my life. Lets call him...The Rookie. He's not really a "friend"...more like a buddy...a Cuddle buddy. But, with less cuddling (if any), and more kissing.

Rookie is 20, cute, and basically just started "messing around" with guys...hence, the name "Rookie". We met a few weeks ago at a club (a 21+ club) when his only "gay" friend came and talked me because Rookie was too shy. We exchanged numbers, talked later that night, and decided to hangout for a little bit that next day.

Rookie isn't really "boyfriend" material for me. He's not "out" and he's going through that whole period of trying to figure out his sexuality. But, he's a good, sweet guy, and I don't mind giving him a place where he can feel comfortable. And, to also educate his ass....because the boy knows NOTHING.

Anyway, the first time he came over, we just chilled and talked for a little bit. We made-out before he left, and that was the start of our "cuddle buddy" relationship. The last two times he came over (a total of three so far), have been white hot. We might not have "sex" sex, but, we definitely get things "popping" on the Oral tip (pun lightly intended). Basically, we have a ton of foreplay and affection and 69-ing jacking off...which is great! Its actually very hot. There's this whole "thing" of us feeding off of each other's sexual energy.

Anyway, after the cum stops flying, he cleans up and casually leaves like a criminal fleeing a crime scene...which, for some reason, is alright with me. I mean, he gives me what I need for the time being and leaves. There's no attitude, no expectations...no strings. He's the perfect man...right? Except when he spills his "baby batter" on my BLACK blanket.

On one hand, I feel some kind of empowerment. Being in control of what happens, teasing all those special "spots", and being able to make someone go absolutely wild with ecstasy is a pretty damn good feeling. On the other hand, I can't help but feel somewhat hooker-esque (which I don't mind & think is kind of hot). I mean, for some reason, he reminds me of a "John" who's all tense at first because he's not sure of how things are supposed to go. But, when things get started, and he's gotten to his comfort zone, the freak comes out.

Either way, this is all very interesting to me. And, I think that everyone should experience this type of dynamic with someone, it some point in their life.

;-)

Is He..."Sponge-Worthy"?

Recently, I've trying the whole "hookup" thing, for the first time...Without there being actual "sex" involved. And, yes, I realize that I'm somewhat having rebound issues from the whole Heartbreaker fiasco, seeing that I've never been into "hooking up" with random guys from online (nothing against those who enjoy it).

In season 7 episode 9 of Seinfeld, the character Elaine ran into quite the dilemma. Her main, and favorite, form of birth control was a Sponge product (I'll let you guys use your imaginations to figure out how this product is used). The problem was, the company that made this product was in the midst of discontinuing it. This leads Elaine, who looked all over the city in various Drug Store's with no avail, to buy the last CASE of Sponges from the only store she could find that still carried them. After this, she had to enact a sort of screening process for her sexual partners...To make sure they were "sponge-worthy". Because, lets face it, she had the LAST case of these things, which means that she couldn't just waste them anymore.

For myself, the case of Sponges represents my body, my time, and my sex. I guess, being celibate for going on three years, has taught me to really value my Sexual Self, and to only give my sex to people who are truly deserving of it. After all, not everyone gets to ride the sports car (Jaguar) known as Me. And, being Sponge worthy doesn't only apply to sexual partners. It also applies to potential boyfriends, significant others, etc.

Anyway, the main reason why things didn't go the sex route, in said hookup, is because I realized that the guy wasn't "sponge-worthy" (and, he wasn't Heartbreaker). Hell, he wasn't even really one of my "types". Don't get me wrong, he was actually a really cool and nice guy. But, I just couldn't envision us together...which kills the whole fantasy component of the hookup for me. And, when I asked if he had any Lube, he directed me to damn bottle of LOTION!...I just can't deal with a "grown" man who gives me that kind of fuckery. I mean, I don't even MASTURBATE with lotion.

I also realized, from this encounter, that their might actually need to be a "connection" or "spark" or "vibe" between me and a guy, in order for me to be sexual with a guy, and actually enjoy it. So, there goes the "meaningless sex" card...out of my deck and into the fire.

As for me, for a man to be considered sponge-worthy or boyfriend material, there's actually a small list of qualifications. The main one, being that I need to be able to "see" myself with the guy in question. If I can realistically "see" myself kissing, cuddling, etc, with said guy, then I could very well consider him being sponge-worthy.

Do we all have our own version of Elaine's "sponge-worthy" concept?

;-)

Embracing Your Inner Sexpot

*Listening To*
Get Naked ( I Got A Plan) by. Britney Spears

So, I guess I took a page out of Samantha Jones' book, and had an impromptu Afternoon Delight the other day....with a guy I've only known for all of two hours. He's a classmate of mine, he's a hottie, and, he's extremely in the closet.

Anyway, we talked after class, hung out for a little bit, and then...we ended up at my house! This kind of thing NEVER happens to me. In fact, I consider myself to be quite the prude. But, Classmate is oh-so smooth with his personality, and, all-of-a-sudden we were messing around in my bed.

By "messing around", I mean we just made-out, had a little 69 action, and masturbated together. It was...interesting, to say the least.

I wouldn't have anything romantic to do with him, and, don't get me wrong, he's a nice attractive guy, but, he has this whole "on tha low" mentality which I cant be bothered with. I need to be with someone who's NOT afraid to go on a date in public, walk in the park, and all the other things that happy gay couples do together without giving a fuck, because its 2008...dammit!

I can't date a guy who feels the need to say: "This stays between us, right?" I mean, what the fuck? Who the hell are YOU?...Usher? I can't be bothered with such fuckery.

Anyhow, I left this experience feeling a kind of liberation at the fact that I even had the "professionally" or confidence to conduct a sexual liaison without there being feelings attached. I used to feel some kind of way about people who did "hook-up's" or "jump-off's". But, now, my outlook has shifted. There's nothing wrong with two grown consenting adults having a little SAFE "fun" together.

Which leads me to my point. I think its quite healthy for everyone, men and women, to every now and then, release and embrace that inner sex-kitten or sex-pot or slut or whatever you feel comfortable calling it, in a SAFE manner. Even those in relationships can practice this with their partner. I guess, for the couples, it would be the equivalent of pulling out that Freakum Dress or pulling that Freakum Card for their lover.

All of that being said, embracing or exploring this other side of one's self doesn't always have to involve anything sexual. Its different for everyone. For some, it could mean being somewhat of a Flirt or throwing all of one's rules out of the window and getting so-n-so's number. For others, it could mean installing a pole in the bedroom and surprising that special someone with the VIP Room treatment.

To each, his own...

;-)

He's Single! He's Sexy!....He's Celibate.

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A Few Things About Me:

1. I'm 21.
2. In school.
3. I've never "dated" or done a "relationship".
4. I've been celibate for almost 2yrs.
5. In the few time's that I've "experiemented" with sex, in the past, I didn't "enjoy" it.

I'm hoping this is not going to be one of those "ramble-a-thons", that go on in my head, whenever think about this "issue" of mine or whenever I'm attracted to a guy, LOL.

I'm gonna pull a Hiro Nakamura, and go back about 11-12 years, to where the "root" of this "issue" of mine started. My memory is madd fuzzy when it comes to my childhood...You know how things just blend together, as we get older and experience more. So, bare with me here.

I was either 9 or 10 when one of my aunts(grandma's lil' sis) come into the picture. I think my grandma & her sister had lost touch with each other, and, at this point, reconnected after Grand took a trip to DC to visit. Anyway, this aunt decided to move to our city, to be closer to her newly rediscovered family. I somewhat remember her. But, from what my mom & fam have told me, she was pretty much a free spirit and artistic...I partly remember that too. Anyway, after she moved to where we were, my mom told me that my new aunt had something called Full-Blown AIDS.

Since I was a shorty at the time, I didnt really "know" exactly what AIDS was, or what it really had to do with my fun new aunt...I remember that she was really skinny and had a deep-dark complexion. I just assumed that that was just how she always was...Ya know?

Now, that I think about it, this is also where my hate/fear of Hospitals began...But, I'll get to that another time.

Anyway, I remember my mom driving her to the doctor a lot. I dont know exactly how long my aunt was with us...A year maybe less. But, all-of-a-sudden, during the winter (I remember their was snow), my aunt got sick and had to go to the Hospital for pneumonia. I thought she had a bad flu, and she'd be outta there when she got better. But, little did I know, that we would have to visit her almost everyday, and see her get worst...Basically watching her die!

I remember going to visit, with my mom, and smelling that HORRIBLE smell that Hospitals have...Ugh! That whole "sterile" smell! And, I think we had to go to the Hospice or AIDS Wing of the Hospital...I dunno! But, it was terrible...Watching someone that you love, who JUST came into your life, slowly slip away...And there's nothing to do to stop it from happening...No matter how many cards, how many flowers, and how prayers...It wasnt enough to make her magically better, like I hoped it would.

I dunno how long it was, that she was in the hospital...Two weeks maybe less? But, I know my mom came to me and told me that Aunte Pat had died. I dont really remember how I handled that, at 9 or 10, but I didnt know what the Hell to think...Someone that a cared deeply for was here, got the flu (I thought), and was supposed to magically get better...And now I'm hearing that she's just...GONE!

I guess we all really do deal things in our own different way. After my aunts death, my mom went to classes, seminars, programs, or whatever to educate herself about HIV/AIDS...She even got a "certificate" or some kinda paper for HIV/AIDS awareness. Me, on the other hand, found-out that AIDS came from having sex...I didnt know what "sex" really was at that time, but, I told myself that "I'm NEVER having sex!"...All I could think about was how sick my aunt got and how she died. When I got a lil' older, I learned about safe-sex and stds...But, I was still scared & stayed a virgin until I got outta High School.

When I was a teenager, I found-out how my aunt contracted AIDS...When she lived in DC, she was attacked and raped. The attacker had AIDS and gave it to her! That was only one of the moments that I started losing faith in society...Yea, I'm a really cynical nigga.

At around 18-19 I realized I was all Homo, LOL....It's stupid now, but, when I was in high school, I just thought I was going through a "phase". Anyway, after all that, my fear got a lil' worst. I'm not at all "religious", but, in the back of my head, I thought that no matter how safe I was, Fate or the Universe or Whatever would "punish" me, for some reason...And I'd end-up in the same situation that my aunt was in: Fine...Sick...Laying in a hospital...Slowly slipping away...Then GONE!

In the few sexual experiences I've allowed myself to have, with dudes, that has ALWAYS been in the back of my mind...Guess thats why I ever "enjoyed" actually having sex. And, now I'm permanately(I think) celibate...Going on 2yrs. Cuz, let's face it...There aint no nigga out their who wants to be in a relationship with someone who's afraid to fuck or make-love or whatever.

A part of me just wants to "get over" myself and through caution to the wind...And really LIVE. But, the other part cant.

I'm Just Screwed!