Friday, February 29, 2008

Excuses Are For Lazy People...And I've Been Making A Few Of Them Lately.

***Listening To***
"Push It" By. Garbage

"I'm too tired." "I don't have time." "I'm at work all night." "Ugh!...I'll do it later/tomorrow." "The weekend is ONLY two days...I need to rest!"

Yes! These are a few of the excuses that I tell myself when it comes to school work, writing my comic, going to the gym, revising my resume, looking for a bartending gig, and a couple other things.

Here's a cute little example: Three or so weeks ago, I got in from work Friday-night-Saturday-morning (4am friday nite), did my laundry, said I'd put my cloths up later on, and went to bed at 7-8am. A couple weeks later?...I'm picking my socks and underwear out of the blue laundry-bag
I put them in, after they dried. LMAO!!! And, now, that bag is about to be empty! Its a lazy mess!

That being said, for the past week I've been on this "kick" of getting off my ass and getting things done. Hell, yesterday (Thurs) I got off my ass and decided to get back into the habit of working out. This weekend, I'm going to shine-up my resume and start writing SOMETHING for my novel/comic.

By the way, I realized that the whole "I don't have time" shtick is a little bit of bullshit, depending on the situation. If something is really important and a priority, one has to MAKE time for it.


Monday, February 25, 2008

Living vs. Exsiting

As I've said before, I don't really consider myself to be "fun" or interesting. I'm a boring guy, with stupid/boring interests, who has nothing to bring to the table in a relationship, and who's passionate about nothing. Come on, lets face it, NOBODY wants to be in a sex-less relationship with a boring person...Its just a fact. I need to live in the reality that, if I find myself involved with someone (which I doubt will EVER happen.), it'll be over before it starts...Assuming I'm honest and upfront from the beginning.

Anyway, I was thinking...I'm not exactly "living". I'm more like existing. I guess it comes from the way I dealt with my mother's death and growing up fast, when I was younger. I spent my teen years just going to school and coming home and not really doing the whole "social" thing, that most kids my age were doing. Senior year came around, and work was added to the mix. One of the reasons why I left home, after high school, was so that I could be on my own and live my own life, without being bothered with my family. In other words, I wanted to be free to live my own life, on my terms...And, I am.

I guess, what I'm wondering is...Now that I'm an adult, how do I become someone who enjoys life, instead of just existing in it?


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Perfect Cocktail: Shopping, Ice Cream, & Some Down-Time

Fresh of the heels of Saturday night's disappointment, I decided that I WAS NOT going to stay in bed, all day Sunday, pitying myself and eating (LOL). So, I got off my ass, got showered, dressed, and decided that I was going to run to Blockbuster and have my own movie-nite. By the way, I originally had plains with "You-Know-Who", but, the bastard canceled on me AGAIN!...For the LAST time! I'll get to that some other time.

Anyway, I needed to do some thinking and cool off, so, I decided to take a nice little train ride to a Blockbuster downtown...Instead on the one down the street (LOL). Besides, it was kind of nice outside. When I got downtown, I took a little detour into Forever 21, caught a sale, and left with a new hoodie which was about 55% off (it was $35...and I got it for $13!!! Yay me!!). THAT feat alone was enough to lift my spirit!

I picked up a couple flicks, headed home, and had a nice night...Especially since I didn't have class the next day.


Sunday, February 17, 2008

$5 + 2 Drinks = A Bitter Man-less Rocafella

***Listening To***

Well, my ego got a serious blow to it, tonight. Earlier, I went out, to a club, partly to just get out of the house and partly to find a new guy to replace “Cool”. Don't get me wrong, we're still talking, but things are moving way too fucking slow for me! He's lack-luster, boring, doesn't give me the attention/validation that I need, and, bottom line, I need to make sure I have a “spare” before I officially put an end to this Pre-School make-believe shit.

Anyway, I go to the Gay club, for the second time...And its a completely OPPOSITE experience than it was the first time that I went. It was madd boring. Since I don't dance and since I'm not really a “social” person, I just stood around listening to the music, looking at the crowd, and sipping my drinks. All the while, not ONE SINGLE man hit on me!! I mean, DAMN!...I looked damn hott! And still, no dice! I figured that I might have a better time if I had another drink, to loosen up a bit. LOL, yeah I was “buzzed”...yet pissed and lonely. I also noticed that almost EVERYONE was there with they're friends/buddies...Which I DONT have! Hell, there were even a couple (man & woman), who asked me if I were having a good time, when I sat down.

Since I'm not exactly a “fun” kind of person, do I give-off a certain “serious” vibe?

Maybe I just need to face the facts, and realize that the universe is trying to tell me something:

1. For the FIRST TIME, I come out of my shell and actively pursue a guy...And it turns out to be a disaster!

2. I cant someone new...Even at a GAY bar!

3. I was MUCH better off NOT dealing with men and I should go back to the way that things were.

Yeah, if things don't turn around soon, I'm done...AGAIN!


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Wanting Whats Behind That Yellow Tape...

First off, thank you all sooo much for being pateint with me. I usually type these entries on my Sidekick, on my way home from work, email them to "Blogger", and do a quick edit when I get home. But, for the past week, I've been taking on more responsibilities at work, and have been too dog-tired when I get home to even make my posts or comment on your pages (eventhough I've read them). Luckly, things are back in swing, and I'll be back on here on the regular.

I promise, this won't be long...LOL!

So, I've been thinking...Does something, or someone, become much more
attractive once we've realized that we can't actually "have" it? Or,
better yet, if there's a great challenege to "have" it?

For example, I tend to develop crushes on Streight men. And, YES, already I know its totally pointless and retarded. But, as of late, I've developed a "thing" for a new buddy of mine. He's Streight, I'm quite sure (PLEASE let him be atleast "Bi"!! LOL!). He goes to school with me, he's older, smart, and SEXY-AS-FUCK! And, personality wise, he's the complete opposite of "Cool". I could actually see myself dating his ass

Anyway, I was just wondering...Do I just like him so much because having anything romantic, with him, is so intangible?


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Seriously? This Is One Wave I Might Stop Riding!

***Listening To***

So, I've been thinking/maranating on something. Which, by the way, is NOT always a good thing, in my case. I have the slight tendacy to over-think certain things (LOL).

Anyway, I've been thinking about whatever it is that's going on between myself and "Cool", and wheather or not I can keep going on with him. Let the Theripy Session begin!

Here's what's on my mind:

1. Our lil' first "date" or whatever was nice. Just that...NICE! Or, more like alright! NOT great! NOT magical! NOT romantic!...NICE!! I always assumed that my first date, with a guy, whould be A LOT MORE!!

2. There's no "zsa zsa zsu" between us. Things are just...REGULAR!! He doesn't look at me the way I want him to (with seduction/lust in his eyes). We don't have that "thing" that people are supposed to have when they first start off.

3. Its obvious that things arnet "popping off" organically between us. And, I'll be damned if I develop the pattern of having to ALWAYS force shit, make plans happen, and make ALL the effort in a relationship that's one-sided!...I'm not THAT desperate to keep a man. Especially seeing that I'm used to being alone anyway.

4. "Cool" flaked on me this weekend. I wanted to spend some time together, on Saturday....He flaked on ME (oh HELL no!...I KNOW this child didn't just? Uh Uh!)! What kinda fuckery is he!?!

SideBar: Momz didn't raise her child to be lead around, by the nose, by ANYBODY...Like a damn puppy-dog! THAT'S another pattern I don't want to fall into. If ANYTHING, it gonna be the OTHER-WAY-AROUND (LOL)!

Here's two of my favorite quotes:

1. "There are many Fishes/Men in The Rainbow Sea."

... I just started realizing this about a month ago, when I actually decided
to open my eyes and notice what was going on around me (LOL).

2. "Why do I stress a man, when there's so many bigger things at hand?"
-Amy Winehouse

... THIS is soooo TRUE!! I have much bigger things to do, than to stress over some guy...Seriously!