I can't believe there's only four months left to the year. Where did all the time go?
In eight months, I've been out with only three guys, and had two "REAL" dates...which ALL failed to produce anything. I fell in love with, and got my heart broken by, someone who wouldn't even give me the time of day...who's now in a relationship with someone else.
The fall semester started this week, and, even though I'm taking a lighter class load, I'm already tired from all the "first week" running around shit.
I'm so glad that a three-day weekend is coming up.
I've felt like an emotional wreck for the past few weeks.
The past weekend just left me feeling a lot of things. I spent my past few Satuday nites at home, instead of going out to anything or meet anyone. I just don't have anyone to go anywhere with...but, I shouldn't let that stop me.
I'm no longer in "love" with Heartbreaker, after the past weekend. He can be kind of an asshole at times...but, I still, and will probably always, like him...Well, like the sweet guy he likes to hide from everyone. But, I also realized that there really can't be anything romantic for us...at least not for now. I'm over that whole deal. But, I'm cool with us being buddies or whatever. Its BEEN time for me to move on. And, I need to get back out there and go back to meeting new people and having new experiences.
On my ride home from work tonight, I listened to "Love Ridden" by Fiona Apple.
Recently, I've trying the whole "hookup" thing, for the first time...Without there being actual "sex" involved. And, yes, I realize that I'm somewhat having rebound issues from the whole Heartbreaker fiasco, seeing that I've never been into "hooking up" with random guys from online (nothing against those who enjoy it).
In season 7 episode 9 of Seinfeld, the character Elaine ran into quite the dilemma. Her main, and favorite, form of birth control was a Sponge product (I'll let you guys use your imaginations to figure out how this product is used). The problem was, the company that made this product was in the midst of discontinuing it. This leads Elaine, who looked all over the city in various Drug Store's with no avail, to buy the last CASE of Sponges from the only store she could find that still carried them. After this, she had to enact a sort of screening process for her sexual partners...To make sure they were "sponge-worthy". Because, lets face it, she had the LAST case of these things, which means that she couldn't just waste them anymore.
For myself, the case of Sponges represents my body, my time, and my sex. I guess, being celibate for going on three years, has taught me to really value my Sexual Self, and to only give my sex to people who are truly deserving of it. After all, not everyone gets to ride the sports car (Jaguar) known as Me. And, being Sponge worthy doesn't only apply to sexual partners. It also applies to potential boyfriends, significant others, etc.
Anyway, the main reason why things didn't go the sex route, in said hookup, is because I realized that the guy wasn't "sponge-worthy" (and, he wasn't Heartbreaker). Hell, he wasn't even really one of my "types". Don't get me wrong, he was actually a really cool and nice guy. But, I just couldn't envision us together...which kills the whole fantasy component of the hookup for me. And, when I asked if he had any Lube, he directed me to damn bottle of LOTION!...I just can't deal with a "grown" man who gives me that kind of fuckery. I mean, I don't even MASTURBATE with lotion.
I also realized, from this encounter, that their might actually need to be a "connection" or "spark" or "vibe" between me and a guy, in order for me to be sexual with a guy, and actually enjoy it. So, there goes the "meaningless sex" card...out of my deck and into the fire.
As for me, for a man to be considered sponge-worthy or boyfriend material, there's actually a small list of qualifications. The main one, being that I need to be able to "see" myself with the guy in question. If I can realistically "see" myself kissing, cuddling, etc, with said guy, then I could very well consider him being sponge-worthy.
Do we all have our own version of Elaine's "sponge-worthy" concept?
