Personally, I've never been into the lable thing. I don't use any of the previously used labels to describe myself nor do I use them when looking for a boyfriend, date, etc. Even on my Adam4Adam and BGC profiles, I don't have anything listed under my "position". Also, while online looking at various profiles or pages, I don't use a guy's listed "position" to detemine whether or not I'm going to send him a message. In my rational; if I think he's hot, I like the content in his profile, and if his dimensions line-up, I send a message.
Lately, I've been coming across guys who are hung-up on labels. Heartbreaker was(is) hungup on being a "Top". So much so, that he lets it affect his relationship and dating choices. One of his friends even told me that Heartbreaker needs to be with a guy who's a "Strict Bottom". What the fuck is a "Strict" bottom??
And then there's this new shorty I've been talking to. We met online, one Sunday night, while I was in the middle of getting ready to go out. Since he happend to live in my neighborhood, I decided to take a small detour by his place on my way to original my destination. I got to his apartment, and was kind of surprized by how much of a cutie he was. Since he didn't have a face pic online, but, a nice body pic, I expected a "butta-face". But, hey, I was going in that direction for the train anyway, so, why not make a small pit stop?
Anyway, we met, hangout in his place, talked for about thirty minutes, and said our goodbye's. In our time together, nothing remotely sexual happened between us. Which was nice since we were just trying to get to know each other. Besides, he's cute, he's nice, he's smart, but, he's not really my "type" body wise.
A few minutes later, after I left, we ended up having an exchange, which he initiated, via text, as follows;
Dude: "Hey. Can I ask you somethin'?"
Roc: "Yeah, what is it?"
Dude: "Are you a top or a bottom?"
Roc: "LOL! Niether...you?"
Dude: "Top...u must be verz then."
Roc: "yea, I guess. Lol."
Next afternoon, while I'm on the bus, he texts me with some type of fuckery.
Dude: "If you had to choose, to get fucked or do the fucking, for the rest of your life, which would you choose?"
Roc: "LOL! What kinda question is that?"
Dude: "Just answer it."
Roc: "Lmao! Niether...you?"
Dude: "I'm a top, so its obvious what I choose. Just pick one."
Roc: "Why do I have to choose one?"
Dude: "I'll give u some time to think about it..."
Roc: "I don't need time to think. Lol!...why is it such a big deal?"
Sidebar: I didn't even really like this guy "all like that". He's cute, but, not really my type. So, I don't even know why I continued with this text fuckery for as long as I did. I think it was a combination of personal boredom mixed with the fact that I like a little comfrontation from time-to-time.
Dude: "Bcuz I need to know what's goin' on if we get into a relationship..."
Roc: "I guess."
Long story, short, we had a little text argument about how I can't date nor be involved with guys who are hungup on labels. He defended himself. We went back and forth on the issue. And, then we basically agreed to disagree.
Anyway, I hate running into guys who are hungup on labels. Not only for themselves, but, for other gay males. I've noticed that our Lesbian counterparts don't seem to have the problem in their community. And, they seem to have great fufilling relationships, without letting labels control their lives.
When are Gay men going to stop being such Label Whores?
;-)
10 comments:
I HATE the labels thing...
He obviously doesn't meet your standards because you're saying he's not your type. Yet, a top isn't his type. You hate labels, yet you embrace being a versatile. Sounds like going in circles to me.
It works both ways boo-boo.
Get used to it - labels will always be a part of the game. That's one of the many 'univerisals' that exist in the gay community. There are folks who like roles, and those who don't. I'm not sure why that is though - but it's something you shouldn't fight - just accept it and make your decisions on a case by case scenario.
What you call labeling others feel it's a preference. However, I do agree with you that some people take it to an extreme where they view the sexual role they play as somehow a 'status symbol' (for lack of a better description) in the eyes of the gay world (ie: Top = Masc, Bottom = Soft, Vers = Confused bottom, etc). I'm with in in that I don't have a position on profiles not because I don't know what I like, but just because I find it unecessary when initiating a conversation with someone. Now what I will say is that as I have grown in this lifestyle, I have come to the realization that I can not date anyone who is strictly anything because I don't like to restricted in my extracurricular activities. If one is not willing to compromise there (in the context of a committed LTR), TRUST there are other things that they won't compromise on as well...
Be good naughty bwoy!
~Damnit!
Most labels are bogus. I have found to many guys who say they are a top but want me stick them. So I tend to go with the flow and forget about the labels.
Knowing someone's position, says a great deal about what type of sexual relationship you'll have. It saves us later on down the line finding out that we're not compatible in that way. I do agree that labels can be outrageous, but you clearly have your preferences such as "body type" and other "dimensions" as you put it. Why is that different in wanting to know someone's sexual position. For me, knowing someone is versatile, like myself, means I'm gonna be with someone who embraces the fact that sex could go either way. I like that. And for those who are open to a long-term type of situation, no one really has time to waste going after someone who's not what we're looking for.
Labels... Labels...why are we still having this conversation... Labels are apart of life... and you either get with it or don't... you need to find someone who doesn't care also... but it's not a bad character trait to say "I'm a Top" or "I'm a Bottom".. What you are tired of is sexxy ass tops that you want to penetrate... Some people just have their ways... But there is nothing wrong with with folks that choose labels or not... I will talk more about this on Da Doo-Dirty Show... Tuesday's Show Ep 464.. Can't wait..
I look at from a different standpoint, but somewhat in agreement with you! Labels place liimits on the relationship. you can and cant do this or that. however without labels, one is free to do how they please without boundaries!
flipping the script now, there are some that do not like to top and will not top! they love the dick so much they can't see any other way then workin out someone else's magic stick. and there is some top, idk lets call him "straight"lol hahahaha and he will only stick his dick in his "special" warm place! this guy will never allow himself to be penetrated! that would be a match made in heaven, sorta speak!
its all about the person and what they prefer. i just so happen to be vers myself and dont get caught up in roles. since i do it all! lol but i did wanna talk more about these roles on my blog! was thinkin about it after a convo i had with someone!
I agree with a little bit of what evryone said. But I define myself as vers and my partners definition doesn't matter tho I can't lie I'd like to end up with another verse guy so that the sez won't ever be restricting.
I agree with Darius. Now I understand how you feel about the whole label thing, which would be the way I felt if I knew I wasn't a bottom. I am a bottom. I have no desire, nor have I ever had the desire to put my penis in another man's ass, but I enjoy another man's penis in my ass. That's where I think the lines are like so blurred. People say "I'm a top" and then make this whole thing about how theyre the man and their sig. other is the woman. and all this other shit about masculinity and femininity and shit. but as far as labels go, i think they should stay in the bedroom.
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