Back Story: "Jay" and I meet online during the Summer before my freshmen year. We chatted for a while, started talking on the phone, and instantly became friends. He lives, and goes to school, down south. But, he's from Chicago, still has family here, and visits from time to time. "P" is "Jay's" best friend, who actually still lives in Chicago, but, goes to school in down-state IL. "P" and I got introduced to each other through "Jay" and became instant friends also. And, since we were close in closer proximity, we were able to hangout.
Here's how it went:
-Our friendship progressed, "J" and "P" wanted to become closer then I
allow ANYONE to be to me (which, for normal people, isn't a big deal).
-I started to become attached to them...Which is a HUGE no no, for me.
-"J" got angry at me for not trusting them enough to take-down my "wall".
-I got angry at him for not understanding that I am who I am.
-We stopped talking. I then got angry with "P" for siding with "J", and stopped
talking to his incredibly nice ass also.
And, their it was...My way out of committing to them and opening myself up. Funny thing is, I was also angry at and jealous of "J" because, at the time, he was in a sickeningly happy relationship with his boyfriend. And, at the time, I was in the same man-less place that I'm in now. And, deep down, I'm a selfish bastard who thinks that if I can't be happy, I don't want anyone else to be.
Anyway, I stopped talking to my ex best friends until I quit missing them. Besides, after a certain period of time went by, I figured it was too late to fix things. And, I was sure that we had all moved on with our lives.
I've grown a lot since then. And, I've always wondering how they were doing.
All of that being said, since I can't leave well enough alone, I hit them up on Facebook a couple months ago. "P" added me as a "friend", but wont return my emails. "J", on the other hand, didn't give me anything back.
I guess some things are just meant to stay broken...Friendships, People
(Myself), etc.
;-)
7 comments:
Are you my brother from another? Me personally i think We build walls around us to protect us from things that have hurt us in the past and dont want to be hurt by again ykno. But there comes a time when you have to knock the walls down and jump over the hurdles in order to go the places you want to go and be where u want to be in life. Until you break down the walls and let good people in your circle you wont be as happy as you could be and is ultimately denying yourself the chance to meet people who you could trust, learn from and possibly be life long friends with.
i swear we are kindred spirits. two cacti standing tall in the desert wind...lmao! We need to break down these walls before we wind up alone!
I applaud you for taking the first step, to rectifying your relationship. However, maybe you need to take a stronger initiative, hitting them up on facebook, doesn't seem like a strong enough move.
It actually still seems like a wall, you are trying to hide behind. Like you are afraid of actual rejection, on the phone or in person, so you go the easy route.
I really don't think things are meant to stay broken; you just need to find the right way to fix it. Stop making excuse... You know you want thier friendship back. Make the extra step!
it sucks that the friendships had to end like that. Sometimes it just takes an "I'm sorry" and give it time! people handle different things in different ways. if they are meant to play a part 2 in ya life, then it wil be so!
The whole not trusting people thing, I get it. You don't even know the half. We all have walls. Its just that we have dragons and fire protecting ours. Its our beauty and our flaw.
I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I've learned that people come and go. It's just best to accept that as fact and appreciate what they have to offer while they're around.
Sometimes it's good to be open. Trust the university to bring good stuff your way
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